Passing Chemo

Today I met with our Chemo Oncologists and I've officially passed chemo! My next appointment on that floor will be in late February! This is huge news! No more infusions, no more PICC line and no more daily/weekly treks to the cancer center! I am so excited.

To treat myself, I took a long, hot shower with both arms! I was unable to get my PICC line wet, which meant quick one-armed showers. I'm living the high life now!

A few of my levels were still low, so they've ordered more meds and said I will be on these for about 6 months. They reiterated the need to pace myself and reminded me this is a marathon not a sprint. And that the chemo drugs remain in the body for quite some time. They even said I may feel like this come my next appointment in February and to prepare myself for the reality of long, long-term life changes.

While I have "heard" them before, I have not been truly internalizing the importance of pacing myself. However, I went in to my office on Monday, spent 5 hours there and was unable to even move the rest of the night... now I get it. Do too much, do nothing.

My mom has suggested setting timers to remind myself to rest and to have others around me remind me too. Yesterday I did better so I am trying to learn from my challenges.

My kiddos were so happy that I am PICC line free. My right arm is where they cuddle up, and they are so happy to be able to do so again. It was a very visual reminder of the cancer, and I am glad it is now gone.

My next PET scan is ordered for late February, and then I will meet with the Oncologists one week later to hear the update. In the meantime, I am in cancer limbo... done with my treatments but not officially in remission.

I am going to use the next three months to find my "new normal" and let my body recover, heal and get even stronger. I am eager to hear the words "cancer free" and am going to do everything in my power to let my body heal.

Keep the prayers and good vibes coming. Most specifically, the ability for me to rest, recover and heal and for the cancer to be gone for good.

Recovery

Today I finished my *last* hydration infusion. I say *last* because I hope it is but I don't meet with the chemo oncologist until tomorrow. I'm praying she will say, "my labs look great, my body's recovering, I can get my PICC line removed, and I can be done with infusions. It's not so much that any one of those items are too much, it's just that they all involve the time consuming, exhausting reality of cancer. And I'm ready to be done with cancer. I'm ready to let my days be full of kids, family, work, fun... not cancer and cancer recovery. I know I am far from done, but I have such limited energy, I want to spend it on the new normal of my life not the time sucking cancer. 

In big news updates, I'm driving again! Man, does it feel great to have some independence back. On Monday I went in to my office rather than working from home. It was wonderful, exhausting... but wonderful. Today I went in to school for drop off, and it was joyful. I drove myself to my hydration infusion and finished my Christmas cards while I was there. Then I took Spencer to his Endocrinologist appt... Last week I couldn't do these things. Little steps, but huge steps!

This is our third "new normal". Each time following a big diagnosis in our family. I have no idea what it will shake out to look like, but I'm confident I will be surrounded by love and support from our amazing tribe. Because I know if I couldn't have handled these big steps on my own today, I would have helpers lined up to jump in. What an incredible feeling!

Nap Hard

True story, this is my life right now. I have the best intentions in my head, but my body just can't keep up... with much of anything. Couch, bed, bathroom... the three places you'd find me this weekend. Hoping this exhaustion phase is a short one.

DONE!

DONE! Hallelujah, I am done with radiation! Celebrating this milestone with a little bell ringing! 

Hard Days

The last few days have been particularly rough. The intense exhaustion is all-encompassing, and I'm finding it impossible to do even the most minor tasks. Good news, one more radiation treatment! Tomorrow I will ring the bell and complete this portion of my treatment... and then I will take a nap

Last Chemo!

Today's the day... my last chemo!! I'm so excited for this part to be over so the side effects can begin to taper off and hopefully my body can start to feel like my own again. Thrilled to ring the bell later today and close this chapter!

Trudging Along

It's been a while since I felt well enough for a proper update. I've been trying to keep snip-its on social media, but my body has not been cooperating for much computer time.

This week is my LAST full week of radiation and my LAST chemo is scheduled for Wednesday! I am VERY excited to have this part of the process behind me. My last radiation is scheduled for Tuesday, Nov 13th! I can hardly wait to ring the bells of completion in both departments!

Currently I am experiencing boatloads of side effects and trying my best to manage them as well as possible.

Right at this moment, my day includes nausea, diarrhea, neuropathy - tingling, burning in my hands and pain throughout my arms, tinnitus- loud high pitch siren in my ears, pain, chemo brain/fog... really, my head is not my own right now. And the most tender belly that allows for only slow, calculated movements.

My hands hurt, and I have found it nearly impossible to write with a pen. If you have done something kind for me, please consider this your "thank you" note as my ability to send written notes seems to have been put on hold.

BUT I am nearing the end. I can see the light. I know that these next weeks will not be easy, but I will get thru them. Because my will for MORE, for everything, is so much greater than the pain or the ickiness.

I am eternally grateful for the friends and family that are serving as my drivers and companions. With my host of side effects, driving became too much about two weeks ago, and I have become a little old lady shut-in. If I do go out, I am wearing my mask and it is only for a brief visit.

I have learned to anticipate the good days and the bad days, typically Wednesday-Friday afternoon are my best days- the chemo drugs are fresh, which means the stronger anti-nausea and steroids have given me energy. Those are the days I feel like I can get things done. Once Friday evening hits, the meds start to dissipate and the nausea and ickiness take over. This weekend has been no exception.

I hate that the weekends are full of family time and also full of feeling my worst, but it has proven to be a blessing as it keeps me from being home alone. Hunter, Marilyn & Spencer are doing a tremendous job of taking care of me and doing all the little things that make me most comfortable.

Now I just need to make it to Wednesday to get my next boost of power drugs.

The Oncologists said it will take several weeks to months for the side effects to fade away, my energy to return and life to start feeling more normal... so it appears our goal is that 2019 will bring a return to our new normal. I am still recuperating from the surgery as well and am feeling the intensity and weight of this cancer fight.

While chemo and radiation together has been very tough, I am glad that I can knock them both out at once and pray that it achieves our goal or "cancer free- remission".

Keep the positive vibes coming and the well wishes, they mean so much to us. Our tribe has been incredibly supportive of not only me, but especially the kids- getting them home from school, keeping them included, able to attend functions without us and helping them feel loved. It means the world to me. THANK YOU!

Hugs,
Sarah

My Dad

Yesterday after appointments and treatment, my awesome ride buddy (my Dad) and I went to vote! And you should too! Early voting is happening at the annex. Great hours, short lines and then you are done. If I can do it... so can you. Mask and all!

And a huge shout out to potentially my very biggest supporter David Brenton, my Dad, for spending hours shuttling me around from specialist to cancer center, all with a wonderful, servant heart. 

Cancer impacts the entire family, and we are all walking this "new normal" together. I'm just so blessed that the man standing next to me is not only my Dad but also my Boss. This journey could be a stress filled nightmare, but thanks to my father's compassion and understanding, I am able to work from home, at a speed that matches my ability of the hour and day. He checks on me constantly and allows my stress level to remain as low as possible. 

Many articles and studies show that removing stress during treatment and recovery can help cancer patients channel their energy to the cancer fight, and I agree with this 100%. 

My dad is awesome and I'm so very blessed to stand beside him personally and professionally.

Shameless plug, if you or someone you know is thinking of buying or selling a home, there is NO ONE better than my Dad. Our office will provide you with incredible service, and I'll channel my love to you. 

We work in an industry where we only get paid when we successfully get to closing... it's a stressful occupation. So help relieve my stress and get in touch with me if you or someone you know needs real estate help. We love what we do and it shows!

— with David Brenton at David Brenton's Team.

Hug Harder

My life goals. ❤ Today's update, I'm still here fighting! Working to manage the side effects as best as possible so I can laugh, hug and smile as much as possible here at home! Last week introduced 5 new medicines to my daily cocktail, and the good news is, they are helping! The debilitating sea-sick feeling is currently under control. Praise God! 

And since you can't hug me right now, do me a favor and hug someone else. Our world needs it. I also find that I smile big smiles even wearing the face mask, go give your smiles away. Since I can't right now... do it for me. 😁

An Aunt Again!

The best gift my parents have ever given me is my sister Kate. At 15 months apart, we have been through everything together, and cancer is no exception. Today she had a sub handle her classes, so she could be my chemo day buddy. It was a more eventful session with some unexpected bumps, and I'm so glad she was there for me. Chemo #3 is done!! Hands down, I have the best sister ever... but come this spring, my niece Ellie can also share that title! I'm so very, very happy to be an Aunt again and love spoiling Ellie with these adorable shirts!

My heart explodes with love. ❤ Two of my very favorites sporting their "Support Sarah" shirts today! Ellie was certainly the best dressed at her little school, and the nurses all loved Kate's shirt. Even Belly Baby Muehlhaus is starting to show its little presence. 👭

Choosing Blessed

I normally drive the same route, to and from school to work, repeat, swim practice etc. Now that cancer has blessed me with a 30 minute commute daily to/from radiation, I am getting to see gorgeous fall leaves that I would have missed. Now that cancer has blessed me with extreme nausea, I get the benefit of being a passenger during these daily commutes while my family and friends lovingly transport me to treatment. It's all about perspective, and today I'm choosing blessed.